As I said in an earlier post, I’ve lost a lot of the enthusiasm I had as a new teacher. The reasoning for this is, I believe, that I’ve gotten tired of waiting for my teaching career to start.
I wished for my PGCE to be over with, so I could start teaching, I wished for the end of each term so I could rest, sleep and catch up on missed paperwork, I’m still wishing for the end of my NQT year and my golden hello.
When I started my NQT year it all seemed so straightforward. I was going to do two terms in that school on maternity leave, then move on, either to a permanent job or to a term on supply. At the end of that year I would be a fully qualified teacher, with a secure, permanent job and in receipt of a golden hello. It didn’t quite work out like that, however.
On supply, especially on daily supply, I’m very guilty of wishing my time away. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I get that phone call. Maybe this Friday will be the week when a suitable position will be advertised in the TES. Maybe my agency will find me something for next term? Or the next? Maybe the next term? It’s very frustrating. And all the time the agencies are telling me “It’s always quiet at this time of year,” “the schools are only asking for cover supervisors” and “There’s not much call for languages at the moment.” This is all very well of course, but I have to live, I have to pay my bills, have a social life, eat, make plans for the future.
Normal teachers look forward to the holidays. Supply teachers dread them. There’s no chance of work. At all. Agents tell us that holiday pay is rolled into your pay, so you should be able to cover it if you’re careful. How am I supposed to do this without full time work? One agency has paid me £8000 this financial year. Before tax. Since April. Almost 10 months have gone by and that’s my pay for almost a year. Am I supposed to live on that? If it wasn’t for my husband I’d be living with my parents again, or I’d be doing something other than teaching.
I have to believe that things will get better soon. I’m a newly-wed, and very happy in my new marriage, but We can’t plan for the future. We can’t get a mortgage. We can’t have children. We can’t even book a holiday until my work situation improves. I fell like our life together is on hold and it’s all my fault.
I just wish I could live in the present, enjoy my life as it is now and stop wishing my life away.